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You down with PPC?

May 16, 2016, 5:17 am
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Yeah you know me!

We have a press release from Pacific PonyCon, who say they're coming back for round 2 next year. Check them out below.

Later this week we'll have some other stuff coming your way. 


Pacific PonyCon is back for a second year in San Diego, to be held from January 6th to the 8th, 2017! Last year was a success when Pacific PonyCon, a My Little Pony themed convention, was held on Shelter Island with more than 600 attendees from around the world. They enjoyed three days of fun, sun, and friendship, which included the world's first Brony convention with an outdoor beach concert!

Pacific PonyCon 2017 will be held this time at Wyndham San Diego Bayside, located near the historic Gaslamp Quarter and the USS Midway Museum. We encourage attendees to book one of the rooms at this wonderful hotel, and wake up mere yards from the excitement.  The Wyndham also offers complimentary shuttle service to nearby attractions, including San Diego's world renown Balboa Park.

Announcing Tabitha St. Germain.


Our stellar lineup of guests begins with the very talented Tabitha St. Germain, the voice of Rarity and Princess Luna. Ms. Germain is an American-born Canadian actress who has provided her voice for countless TV series, anime roles, and video game roles. She has also appeared on live-action television in series such as The New Addams Family, Police Academy: The Series, and Stargate SG-1.

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Local mother wonders why son hasn't moved on from ponies

May 16, 2016, 2:15 pm
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Chaplain  tries to explain why her son just can't let go of the show and it's dying fan base
Reporters from the Horse News Atlanta division report that, like many other concerned mothers, 51 year old Mary Chaplain just doesn't understand why her son's taste in cartoons is still so awful. 

"I just don't get it," said Chaplain, staring at her son in the other room in disappointment. "There's so many better cartoons now! They even remade the Powderpuff Girls. Can't he at least fantasize about little girls of the same species?"
Pictured here - Phillip's basement bedroom

While his mother still can't understand how her son's obsession with the show has lasted more than three years, Phillip (22) apparently keeps watching due to "a lack of any motivation what so ever to improve his life." Currently holding a job at Peter's Pump and Hump, he apparently drops nearly $100 a month on MyLittle Pony merchandise, regardless of no one giving a shit about the show anymore

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," he loudly stated, screeching as a defense mechanism against his single working mother's fascist rules. 

No news as of yet if Phillip plans to move on to a better show, however Ms. Chaplain explains that she has limited his pony time to only two hours a day, a decrease from his normal four to five. Further attempts to introduce him to non-pony material have proven unsuccessful, as last month's attempt for him to watch an episode of Teen Titans GO! resulted in multiple suicide attempts.

No word from Phillip on his thoughts on the possibility of the series ending, considering he didn't stop screaming during the entire interview. 


Horse News was also unable to attain a statement from Phillip's father, but then again his mother hasn't heard from him in years either.
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The Hub Possibly Coming Back?

May 17, 2016, 11:39 am
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Or at the very least, coming to Latin America.

It's a bit difficult to tell whether this ad for the Hub Network was a fluke, or if it is actually making a return sometime in 2017. From the description hastily ran through Google Translate because I can't speak a lick of Spanish (German is the 2nd language I'm learning), it would appear that their friend was recording the MLP episodes on the Latin America version of Discovery! Kids, when the Hub Commercial started playing right after the end credits, with most of the shows we remember from there such as My Little Pony, Littlest Pet Shop, and others that have since then been delegated to our current channel: Discovery Family.


Here's the full description below, for those who can translate it better than Google.

>Hub Network Regresa, pero a Latinoamerica, este 2017.
Y Antes que nada quiero aclarar que este vídeo no es mio un amigo en facebook lo publico porque mientras el veía My Little Pony decidió grabar la nueva gráfica de Discovery Kids, pero se sorprendió al ver que Hub Network llegara a Latinoamerica

While it's not strange for My Little Pony to be aired on different channels in various regions, such as the case for Germany, where MLP is ran via Nickelodeon (though during Season 1 it was through Nick Jr.), there was no Hub channel ran outside of the USA/Canada; so seeing it show up in Latin America is pretty strange indeed. If anyone has more information about this, let us know about it.

Though the more important question is this. Will we get Dan Vs. back?


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Fans of horse website shocked by actual content

May 17, 2016, 1:05 pm
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The site in question, where fans are used to a lack of anything interesting

DETROIT - The scene yesterday shocked fans and on-lookers alike, as infamous pornography and cult site Horse News actually published an article. The site, primarily known for useless members of society making fun of somehow more useless members of society, managed to actually be productive. This comes in stark contrast to the typical rate of twice a month.

"I was completely taken back. I mean Horse News actually did something? That never fucking happens," said an overweight male, probably.

Horse News crew members, going about  their daily affairs

"I don't know why they're surprised, we try to produce the best content we can," said Korean site correspondent, Crapper Sargent. Crapper went on to say that the site is more popular than it's ever been, pointing to the literal dozens of death threats the crew members receive daily. "Quite frankly, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Then again I haven't been sober since I got off the plane."

Fans poured out by the tens of twenties to express their discontent with the site productivity. Among the sea of comments came various accusations, some involving drugs, some involving conspiracy theories, but most just didn't give a shit.

"This won't stand," said some asshole named 'anonymous' in the comments. "we can not live in a country where Horse News actually does anything. We can't go back to the dark ages."


Known around the waning Brony community as a site to 'shit post' until there would be only one site left standing, Horse News decreased site activity in an attempt to save costs on top of its slave labor revolting in the Bloggers' Strike of 2015. After three public officials and seven members of the administrative staff were murdered in the wake of the protests, the site fell in its decline.

"With out guys like Best Horse or that one other shitty writer we used to have working for free, the site lost its mojo. We just want to get back to where we once belonged." Crapper added from his Korean Liquor Store. 

At press time, Horse News has a staff of only fourteen, sixteen if you count the two company horses kept in the corner for private business reasons only. If you'd like to join the dark side and rule what's left of the Brony community as father and son, join the staff. Whatever news site this is has provided contact information if you'd like to help their noble cause of pointless drama and harassing staff members.

Just think, this could be YOU one day. Horse News is always looking for journalist whores legitimate writers.
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Man with pony tattoo regrets his decision

May 18, 2016, 8:31 pm
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SAN FRANCISCO - "I don't know what the hell I was thinking," said local pony fan, Kurt 'Bolt' Grohl. Two years ago, Grohl committed himself heavily to the fandom, going as far as to even get a tattoo in honor of his new favorite show.

Defeated, through a face buried in his hands, he continued "no one will even take me serious anymore," with tears streaming through his two-inch nose gauges.

Grohl, a local tattoo and body artist, claims that the tattoo has not only devastated his professional life, but his personal life as well.


One of the many songs Dave slits his wrists too

"After I got that fucking tattoo everything changed, especially with my wife. She used to love strapping the car battery to my dick screw, but now? She can't even look me in the eye."

Not long after he got inked, his life took a downturn. His wife no longer wanted him, he lost his job, he lost the record for staples to the eyebrow, and the prom is TOMORROW. 

Fortunately, Grohl was able to find temp work as a lightning rod, just sort of standing on top of cable cars when it rains. After medical bills, he's saved enough and switched insurances enough to earn one free elective surgery. He says he already has plans with what to do with his fresh new skin.

"A large, multicolor mural of my favorite ship, Steven Universe and Rose Quartz. Thank god I'm getting rid of this thing."

The tattoo in question. If you'd like a Horse News designed tattoo, consider messaging us. With ass pictures.
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Pinkie Pie stars in self-titled children's erotica

May 19, 2016, 10:25 am
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PONYVILLE - Baker and Ponyville Polytech drop-out Pinkie "Cream" Pie is renowned for her work as an element of harmony, her party planning prowess, and her multiple psychotic breakdowns. However her latest venture has sparked a major controversy with both Equestrian parents groups and censor boards, seeking to create her own unique form of literature. A mash of up of two of the biggest selling genres of all time - children's books and erotica - meant to challenge our perceptions of young colt and filly sexuality. 

Filled with graphic descriptions and even crude hoof-paintings, the first edition has already sold 130,000 copies in its first week.


"This is a sign of the downfall of Equestria's moral fabric," said first cross-dimensional politician Vermin Supreme. "What we need is more sex on Network News, not in the hands of greedy little bastard children. My work program will take care of them more than any pop-up smut slut's stuff."



Simply titled Pinky Pie, the novel takes the simple look at a group of children doing things I'm legally not allowed to show you or even describe. However the various contents of the novel involve various pets, a large whisk, a dead parrot, and what can only be described as a 'shit-ton of expensive lube' illustrated vividly and disturbingly. Written under the pseudonym Eleanor Estes, Pinkie Pie attempted to shift any legal repercussions for the novel away from her.

"If they don't want to see feral cats go at it with a cactus, then far be it from me to introduce some super duper culture in to their lives! I just don't want to be punished for making my art," said a very concerned Pinkie Pie, with a streak of face powder lining her nose.

Attempts to flee legal prosecution for 130,000 counts of distributing bestiality/cross-dimensional sodomy/child pornography have so far been successful. However we can only find none of this will matter considering Pinkie Pie contacted us to do a public interview for her. To promote her book.

When our reporters pointed out the lunacy of this situation, they realized they were interviewing a pink talking horse and quickly remembered where they fucking work.


An excerpt from page 3. Horse News would like to legally say that we are not involved in any way with this book's publication.
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M.A. Larson throws cool pizza party no one attends

May 19, 2016, 3:04 pm
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M.A. Larson, shortly after his "party" ended
ROCHESTER, MN - "I thought people liked me," sighed a dejected M.A. Larson. "I guess mom was right: not even fat losers want free pizza and whisky if I'm gonna be there"

After weeks of planning, scheduling, and anticipation, Larson threw a special pizza party for him and his brony fans today, an event that not even the most desperate attention whore attended. Along with Larson's virginity and self-esteem, two dozens pizzas and six handles of various alcoholic beverages were completely untouched after it became apparent even the desperate denizens of the internet skipped out.




Final announcements for the party were made yesterday, shortly following Larson's securing the super cool teen zone at his local library for his party. What followed were hours of preparation including blowing up hundreds of balloons, setting all the tables, renting out multiple expensive games, and even a chocolate fountain. Fans, as usual, still didn't care and not one of the nearly twenty-five thousand invited guests even stopped by to be polite to him.

"Sigh" sighed Larson, followed by the bubbling of his third malt liquor. "You know, grown men who write about ponies have feelings too. Strong men also cry...strong men also cry." Larson went on to keep making Coen brothers references for twenty minutes before retiring to the floor of his pink mansion, surrounded by both riches and emptiness.





Don't worry Larson. Horse News still moderately appreciates you. In an unrelated note, if you'd like a new staff writer I'm available for freelance work. Tweet me. Please.
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Local Brony still a virgin

May 20, 2016, 1:08 pm
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ATLANTA - Local blogger Chet Olivers woke up still a virgin this morning, after spending yet another night in his studio apartment alone. After he left high school, Olivers thought that women would be far more willing to have sex with him considering his intellect, financial independence, and fairly decent sense of humor. As usual, he was wrong. So far his two years of independence and carefully maintained sobriety have resulted in zero women hopping on his disco stick.

"I guess Lyra really is the only girl for me," said Olivers, snuggling his well-worn plushie in frustration.


The condom Olvers's had since Junior year of High School
Olivers, who has managed to kiss several women including his mother, says he has plenty to offer. However it seems that any women he asks to "grab take out and cuddle" have done little to persuade the opposite sex to copulate with him. Further interviews reveal his further attempts to sweeten the deal, offering to let each girl even hold one of his dozens of pony figurines placed in his living room.

"I did manage to get this girl in my Philosophy course to come over to study, but after about an hour of reading she said she had to go see her brother in the hospital. You see? It never ends with these chicks. All of them just want something! A bunch of bitches if you ask me," complained a disgruntled Olivers, still uncomfortable clinching his plushie.

At press time, it hadn't occurred to Olivers to whore himself out on craigslist. Beggers can't be choosers, Chet.


Horse News doesn't condone killing strangers on the internet, but we will advertise where to do it
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Lights! Lights! Lights! Wake up! Ponies on the Screen, 5 4 3 2, and 1!

May 21, 2016, 7:07 am
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6.09 - "Saddle Row & Rec"
21. May 2016
08:30 PST / 11:30 EST


6.09 - Saddle Row & Rec
Written by Nick Confalone
>When Rarity opens her flagship store in Manehattan, a tell-all article threatens to expose how badly her friends almost ruined the Grand Opening.


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Meet Molly - the MLP MDMA Mare

May 22, 2016, 4:29 am
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That's what we're calling her from here on out. Forget this whole "Pacific Glow" garbage.

It's quite amazing that Hasbro is so afraid of using the name "Derpy" officially, because they incorrectly assume it has something to do with being mentally disabled, yet they let this one slip through. Up there, around Molly's (the Pinkie Pie clone with the glow stick cutie mark) is a pacifier.
Why does that matter?
Because it means she's tripping on ecstasy in this scene.

Awesome.





For those of you who don't know, the rave-drug commonly known as "ecstasy" (or MDMA) has a side-effect of teeth-grinding. In order to overcome this, users commonly suck on pacifiers and teething rings to prevent damage to their jaws.

Here's an ABC news article referencing their widely-known application in the drug world.


So there you have it, Molly is gettin turnt on Molly.
Speaking of adult references in this episode:



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Flight Lives Matter movement kill 64 in riot, blame Celestia

May 24, 2016, 12:30 pm
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A very poor artist's rendition of yesterday's protests
CANTERLOT - The scene from yesterday's Flight Lives Matter protest was one of complete anarchy, all from a movement aimed at trying to stop violence. By the end of the day a total of sixty-four bodies lined the streets after rioters burned, shot, and somehow morbidly crushed random ponies. The FLM representative who is only known as 'DR' released a statement today, placing blame solely on Princess Celestia and not the five people in FLM shooting at innocent bystanders.

"We dindu nuffin" stated DR, behind her all black hoodie and blood stained bandanna.


Human Rights Now activist protesting in protest to the protest's protested results

What's followed the riots have been nothing short of chaos. Citizens all over the country have come to gather just outside the palace walls, shouting an array of racial obscenities and hurling various body parts that still line the streets. Among protesters were the likes of the Donkeys Negating Confections group, the Great Oppression Party, Human Rights Now activists, the Unicorns for Further Domination of Life, and Bernie Sanders. Though the groups were all there on various platforms and on multiple forms of narcotics, consensus pointed to a need for action from the Princesses, namely Celestia considering she's the only one that matters.

"What the Princesses need to realize is that this type of mass violence and civil unrest can not be accepted. It's time for major action to take place in order to subdue the situation at hand," said element of Harmony Twilight Sparkle, who has a direct contact to Princess Celestia but chose instead to awkwardly hang out with people on the street.

"Fuck that, what we need is more violence," screamed an equally out of place Fluttershy.

At press time, Princess Celestia has declined to comment, however Princess Luna issued a twenty-two page official statement with incredible justification and research that no one gave a shit about because it's Princess Luna.

Horse News would just like to add that we went with the old luna here because that new anime is even worse than the first one
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Rise 'n Shine, it's time for Horses!

May 28, 2016, 7:55 am
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6.10 - Applejack's "Day" Off
28.05.2016
08:30 PST/11:30 EST

6.10 - Applejack's "Day" Off
>Rarity struggles to get Applejack to relax at the spa; when Twilight and Spike attempt to take over Applejack's simple farm chores, it turns out to be a more difficult job than they thought.



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Come again? The WHAT Jar has returned?!?

May 31, 2016, 4:11 am
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2014 was HN's true heyday, there's no denying. Over the last year and a half, many people have asked "what happened to us?" in regards to the general shift in tone over time. And we could only guess at the answer. But this weekend, the answer was made abundantly clear: nothing was ever going to out-WTF the 3rd most popular post in HN history: The /mlp/ Cum Jar Project.

Why is this weekend significant?
Because this Memeorial Day weekend, The Mad Fapper himself  returned from the shadows with a grim update.
The project continues to this day....
...and he has a girlfriend.

This grainy screencap compilation comes to us from the Tumblr Tipline, where it is clear that the jar does, in fact still exist, and has been added to since we last posted about this over a year ago, after the.... Caramelization .... incident.

For the sake of clarity, that is a jar of human semen, collected over many months, in a jar containing a plastic Rainbow Dash figure.
Below, timestamped and everything, is how the update unfolded on /b/.


>this guy can get a gf and you cant

There's really no point in living is there?

The real question is; how much longer will this "project" continue? Will his updates be as anticipated as Jizzmas on /b/? Or will his newfound love interest put an end to this for good?


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IWTCIRD IS NOW A BLOW UP DOLL

June 2, 2016, 5:05 am
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Fluttershy's Brother has a man bun

June 2, 2016, 7:07 am
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The Whole Fluttershy Family is Here
The Brother has a Man Bun and scruff
The Father has a moustache


The Happening is Upon Us







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Sega Reads Too Much Fanfiction

June 3, 2016, 8:37 pm
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Recently, Sega released a survey regarding Sonic the Hedgehog mobile crossover games.

Naturally, you may be asking yourself "Why the hell should I care?" And you would have a good point. Despite the constant competition for the title of "Most Cancerous Fanbase," Sonic the Hedgehog has nothing to do with My Little Pony and this is, after all, a "news" site dedicated to miniature horses. In fact, why am I even writing—

While the survey is no longer accepting responses, the multitude of more legitimate news sources than ours reporting on it means that this is likely a real survey. But just in case you're still skeptical, let's take a brief look at a couple of these news sources:

Gamespot,  for example, was kind enough to make an informative video about this Sega survey along with some other stuff I don't care about. The first thing I noticed about this video is OMG IS THAT A GRILL? With a British accent, no less...
LONDON
Then there's a brief bit about some Fable: The Gathering Kickstarter project that is hoping to raise 250,000 pounds. That doesn't sound like all that hard of a goal, especially if the Sonic and Brony fan communities are going to come together...

At about a minute in, the video brings up the aforementioned survey, which asked questions like "What words do you associate with Sonic" (FAST) and "What sports would match Sonic the best" (GOING FAST). The survey then asked about crossover games:
These aren't as bad...
Maybe I just don't want to believe, so I had to keep digging in hopes that this might just be an elaborate ruse. But then it popped up again on My Nintendo News, where I even found this masterpiece in the comments section:
I joined the multitude of characters injured during the course of the video when I cut myself on all the edge.

So it looks like the survey is real, which means we just have to pray that this survey goes the way of most other surveys and is ignored with nothing real coming out of it. A Sonic-My Little Pony crossover is such a bad idea that even the autism incarnate that is the Equestria Daily comments section largely agrees that it's a terrible concept.

If that wasn't enough to deter anyone at Sega who thinks this idea might be a good one, all you have to do is type "Sonic My Little Pony" into your Google search bar and see THE FIRST FUCKING IMAGE THAT COMES UP:
And boy are there a lot more like it
I can picture this masterpiece of a crossover now: Princess Twilight Sparkle's Sonic the Hedgehog's crown, the element of magic, Chaos Emeralds are stolen by Sunset Shimmer Dr. Robotnik, who disappears into a mirror that leads into the human world Equestria. Without the crown, Chaos Emeralds, all the other Elements of Harmony Sonic will have no power to protect Equestria, Mobius, so Twilight and Spike Sonic goes through the mirror to chase after the culprit to retrieve her crown the Chaos Emeralds. He discovers himself in a new world where Twilight is a teenaged human girl and Spike is a talking dog, there are talking horses everywhere, and finds friends that resemble their pony friends from Equestria fulfills our lifelong dreams of fucking cartoon horses make friends to stop Robotnik from taking over the world with the red-and-black alicorn OC he made in his lab to take over Equestria like omg guys it's super strong and powerful and is stronger than Celestia Luna and the Mane 6 combined and his parents died when he was young so he's super edgy and... (etc). Twilight Sanic works with her friends to become Princess of the Fall Formal FASTER, FASTER, FASTER FASTER FASTER to win his crown Chaos Emeralds back from the human Sunset Shimmer Dr. Robotnik and to change the destiny of these two parallel worlds.

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If äh, you don't mind, it's time to get up now, Ponies are coming.

June 4, 2016, 7:44 am
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6.11 - "Flutter Brutter"
04.06.2016
08:30PST/11:30EST
6.11 - Flutter Brutter
>When Fluttershy’s self-absorbed brother starts freeloading off their parents, she encourages him to move out. Unfortunately, he moves in with her instead, forcing Fluttershy to stand up to her brother and help him get over his fear of failure.




When the full episode is uploaded, the video will change to reflect that.

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And then there's Maud

June 5, 2016, 7:23 pm
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Zap2it Derps - Reveals Episode 13-19 Titles

June 10, 2016, 10:17 am
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Well, Zap2it made a mistake and accidentally revealed the episode titles for episodes 13 to 19, but for some reason had the same synopses for all of them. This error was fixed about 15 minutes later.

I guess that confirms some of the titles in the threads before.
 



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Ponies of the World: Spice Up Your Life [Episode]

June 11, 2016, 8:14 am
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The Episode which has absolutely nothing to do with that Spice Girls song from the 90's.
11.06.2016
08:30 PST / 11:30 EST


 6.12 - Spice Up Your Life
>Pinkie Pie and Rarity are called to Canterlot to solve a friendship problem. Once there, they discover a father and daughter whose relationship is strained as they struggle to keep their restaurant open. Pinkie Pie and Rarity both want to help, but have different ideas on what 'help' means.



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