MLPBox.com's Offering to The Ruinous Powers within Horse News

So our friends at Brony.com have launched just another Loot Crate clone MLPBox.com. A monthly assortment of pony related novelties for you to try to enjoy. This one time sacrifice was the April box.

Now, I was given the pleasure of receiving MLPBox's April edition for review and judgement. They took it upon themselves to reserve one of their first edition boxes for us. It's not every day I receive free shit for no reason, and receiving free shit and getting paid to review it has never happened to me. Neither have I had any prior communication with anyone associated with Brony.com, as the writer of this review, that was handled by the Honorable Capper General.

I can only review on the basis of whether I would pay $9.99 + $3.25 United States shipping for these items. Now, onto the items themselves, which are officially licensed by Hasbro.

First Item: Bioworld - Rainbow Dash In-Ear Headphones

Can you smell the Hot Topic already?

Now, I'm going to have to admit, Rainbow Cunt is my least favorite pony. These in-ears have two Rainbow Cunt heads. But I will look past my prejudice for a moment, and gauge this product for what it is on the inside. It's when I did look past the colors that I discovered that only a Dashfag could love this product.


These in-ears come with two extra sets of plugs of different sizes, that's it. Now, I only use on-ear headphones, but in-ears are never this uncomfortable for me. The plugs that cover the tips are paper thin, and provide no support, on top of the cylindrical design of these in-ears. When I try to make sure they're so♂fucking♂deep, their un-ergonomic shape bothers me.

Their audio quality is also abhorrent. The highs are too shushed to make anything enjoyable. Every song I've listened to on these sound like they're being played in the room next to mine.



Brony.com already charges over $15 for these pieces of trash. I would not buy these for the $10 price of the whole cheap Loot Crate clone MLPBox.

Second Item: "Pony Road" T-Shirt, Black


The most expensive product in this box, and there is nothing wrong with it. It's just a black T-shirt, with a fucking parody of some hippie fag band or something. It's everything it claims to be, a T-shirt that screams "I'M GAY" and is as black as the thing you're gonna be taking the night after you wear this.


It's also 100% cotton, while being darker than the people that picked this thing from the fields. Now, in the American Southwest, black, heavier shirts don't make a comfortable outing in the Spring and Summer. Also, I can see that "Made in Mexico" tag, further proof that we need The Wall. I can see Chelis' work at hand, especially with that XL size. While nothing outwardly wrong with this, it is a bad choice to pair with your April box, at least for me, so I'll have to give another strike for this.


The original price is almost twice the price of the whole box. I certainly wouldn't buy something like this anytime of the year, let alone right now.

Final Item: Rainbow Dash Anti-Bullying Pin


In what appears to be an effort to start a campaign against bullying targeted at Bronies, Brony.com has released a limited time Rainbow Dash pin. It's the only item I consider good in this box, because it's just a pin, but it's still Rainbowcunt. So that's just another strike.


Its original price is four dollars. Agreeable, but probably still overpriced.

Final Judgement  

From what I've seen, I would not subscribe to this box. I would also not recommend it to people who wouldn't already buy things from Brony.com. If you have already done so, and plan to do so again, then I would see no reason not to, but I still wouldn't do it. I am not satisfied with the quality I've found here. So, what should be done with such pitiful sacrifices to the evil god Capper? I think you all know what.

You see that? That there's salty milk.