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Horse.Women Reloaded

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Holy shit, we thought it was dead!
Horse Women: Part 2 is finally out
Now if only we could get a working /mlp/ VN....


Horse News' Dark Secrets Unmasked in Video

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Well the truth is out, there's no hiding it anymore. Horse News has been unmasked as the evil shadow organization that we've always striven to be, with our long reach controlling every facet of the multi-million-member horse-based fandom. I, the undead shambling corpse of John Candy have been fueling both sides of every pastel glitter-soaked conflict since the very beginning, as instructed by my obese master Corpulent Brony. At last you know the truth.

What you DON'T know is that I'm actually a cabal of 23 different people posting from 18 different timezones who hired an actor to make public appearances and get everyone wasted drunk.

Totally.

All of it's true.

MLP more popular than anal in Russia, according to PornHub

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Many of you may remember that in July, the adult video website known as Pornhub released a set of data about searches relating to My Little Pony themed pornography. It was made immediately clear that Russia was the largest consumer of cartoon-horse smut on the planet, even outpacing the degenerate habits of the United States. What we DIDN'T know then, that we know now, is that not only is Russia the largest consumer of clop, but pony porn actually outranks most other categories of sex-videos.




Searches for My Little Pony grew 438% in 2015, placing it within the top-10 searches on Pornhub coming from Russia. The search topic moved up 133 ranks in the last 12 months, to the #7 most-searched topic on the porn site. Officially, My Little Pony is searched-for more often than Anal Sex by the Russian people. It is only searched for slightly less than "gangbang" and "russian mature" which means that by the end of 2016 it may be a top-5 search item.

So feel free to congratulate your clopping comrades on the Russian equivalent of /mlp/ for this great accomplishment. http://2ch.hk/mlp/

MLP Sex doll company using facebook marketing towards bronies. NOW WITH HOLES

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Remember when we discovered the Inflatable Rainbow Dash doll that was being mass produced in China? It went viral for a while, then the listings got pulled, and we figured that was the extent of the comedy for those.

We were wrong.

We received an email today that read as follows: 

"This random inflatable animal seller added me because I had a pony picture for awhile.
Now they sell them with "sexy holes" i know you guys like those things, thought you might like this."

Well. you were right. 

The sweat shop has listened to your requests and now has pony dolls complete with orifices.
 LET'S TAKE A PEEK. 



It's interesting that the Chinese company is now attempting direct marketing towards bronies via facebook



"Most Fashionable High Quality Sex With Horse" is easily the most amazing URL ever conceived.




Our mistake, it's a "Cartoon Dragon"


Clearly the sweat shop isn't done yet. We can't wait to see what the next thing they make is.


Canterlot Debate Causes Strife Over Gryphon Controversy

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We will have a wall. The wall will be built. The wall will be successful.

Filthy Rich reiterated his pledge to deport 11 million illegal gryphon immigrants from Equestria during the Canterlot debate on Thursday - a plan savaged by rivals including March Gustysnows, who warned overzealous anti-gryphon sentiment would be a gift to Changelings.

The debate in Whinnyapolis had been seen as a good opportunity for Mrs.Gustysnows to try and reassert herself - but while it was her best night so far, she was fairly muted.
On the subject of immigration, Mr. Rich , the frontrunner in the polls stressed the need to build a "wall":

We will have a wall. The wall will be built. The wall will be successful.
Asked directly by a moderator if he would deport immigrants, Mr. Rich said, "We will have to send the gryphons out."

But he refused to explain what impact he thought such mass deportations would have on the Equestrian economy.

"We're a country of laws. We either have a country or we don't have a country," he said.
Mrs.Gustysnows stepped in to warn that sending back half a million immigrants per month "is just not possible eh".

"It's not embracing Equestrian values, and it would tear communities apart, and it would send a signal that we're not the kind of country that I know Equestria is."

Princess Luna, a comparative moderate on the stage, dismissed Mr. Rich's plans.
"We all know you can't pick them up and ship them back across the border," she said. "It is a silly argument, it is not an adult argument."

Mr. Rich also brought gasps from the crowd when he spoke over March Gustysnows, asking: "Why is she always interrupting people?"

Mr. Rich, who had been a political outsider, now leads the crowded royalty field, defying standard political logic, while experienced politicians such Gustysnows have struggled to break through.

Normie TV Discovers Rule 34.

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In keeping with the unfortunate tradition nowadays of not keeping things that are found on the internet, within the internet; it would seem that TruTV discovered something new today in one of their shows called "10 Things You Never Learned in Sex-Ed."
Buckle up, we're going on yet another ride. 


The Rule 34 segment itself starts at about 10 minutes into the video, for those who don't want to watch the entire show. For those who have no idea what Rule 34 is (why are you even here then?) - it's the unstated "rule" of the internet that if something exists, there is porn of it, no exceptions. While in this video "My Little Pony" itself isn't explicitly mentioned, they do make a strong reference of it by stating that everything that is pure, such as this:


Has been corrupted into this:


While anyone who has lurked for a while is already aware of such things, it's quite amusing to see the rest of the population finally catch on after over a decade of the rule's existence.

Thanks to Twitter user @Animedicated for showing this to us, as most of us can't be bothered to watch actual TV anymore.

Pacific PonyCon: The Diamond Cunt Perspective

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It’s been a little over a week since Pacific PonyCon has come to a close, and I'm only just now getting over my hangover. Save for the lingering need to speak in Australian accent and call every grill I come across as "Sheila," the events of the past weekend seem like a distant memory.

The tale of Pacific PonyCon is truly a grand one. And what better place than to start, than from the beginning?


Day -1 - Wednesday

It was Day -1, and a storm was brewing. From all over the country, horsefuckers of all shapes and sizes flocked to my small two bedroom apartment, gathering for the final journey down to San Diego. Like any group of a horsefuckers, each of us had a crippling case of autism. But, on top of that, our autism was accompanied by Australian accents and A LOT of booze; for we are the Diamond Cunts.

We had three goals in mind for the weekend; getting completely shitfaced, passing out cans of Fosters (and other booze for those who didn't want the piss we drank ironically) to anybody who would take them, and engaging in drunken autistic shenanigans.

Pic related, just a small part of our load.
Day 0 - Thursday 

After what would be our last good night's sleep for the next four days, we awoke on day zero with minor hangovers from the previous night's drinking, the hyp for the convention slowly building up. There were some doubts about the con, as the idea of scheduling a convention at a beach resort in the middle of El Nino raised more than a few eyebrows within our group. The predictions of rain throughout the weekend certainly didn't help.

Nonetheless, after a few hours of goofing off, we threw our copious amounts of booze, "props", and other supplies into our vehicle, before packing everyone inside and getting underway.


After making a few pit stops and stopping at the side of the road to re-secure the tarp keeping the stuff strapped to top of our transport dry, we arrived later that evening in the middle of a heavy downpour.

Unfortunately, we didn't have anybodies numbers, and no one had told us what room the suite was to be in. So, we immediately made our way to the bar to get a few drinks and figure out where the rest of our mates were.


After passing around the daki that one of my boyos brought along about the bar (which somebody hijacked to use to describe the fandom to a couple that wasn't there for the convention), we finally managed to get in touch with Chelis, and figure out what our room number was.

We quickly made our way to the suite, excited to get our things put away and settled in so we could our con experience started.
...only to find that the suite that was supposed to room all of us was not even half the size of what we expected. In fact, it wasn't much bigger than the average hotel room.

Realizing we had gotten the shaft, we quickly went up front to get our own room, somehow managed to snag a suite (which happened to be easily double the size of the one we were using for parties), and got our shit squared away, before returning the original suite, where the day zero "party" had began to get underway.


The "party" really just turned out to just be an autistic circlejerk with booze involved, which really wasn't all that surprising, considering most of the people that would be attending, had not yet arrived. After passing around our daki some more (and spitroasting it with one of my boyos), and drinking more than a fair share of the booze in the room, we gathered several horsefuckers who had also gotten fucked by the size of the original suite and headed to our room to grab some rest.


Day 1 - Friday

I awoke on day one in Germany: Hotel Suite Edition to a hallowed out dildo being pushed into my mouth by a giggling gang of autists. After tossing around the ole' foreskin with my mates, we were alerted of plans to hit up Denny's for breakfast. We shook off our hangovers, tossed on our hats, and left our hotel room behind.

This process took about thirty minutes, since a lot of my boyos are special needs.

After much intense waiting and yelling, we finally all piled into our 4runner and followed the lead vehicle to our destination.

Remember: If you don't end up going to a Denny's hungover with all your boyos at least once, you're doing conventions wrong
We spent a good fifteen minutes triggering the diner's manager with our autism before our food was brought to us. Everyone else got the usual breakfast shit, I got a burger because I'm a special snowflake.

It was aight.

Upon destroying our collective meals like a bunch of fucking Amerifats, we filed out of the Denny's. Most of the people who came to Denny's ran off to hit up liquor stores and sex shops, but the Diamond Cunts and I (plus a couple stragglers) opted to pile into our transport and drive back to the convention, loudly chanting and singing Men At Work the entire way back.


By the time we had gotten back, we had already missed the opening ceremonies, which sounded like a massive circlejerk anyways, so nothing of value was lost.



We took a few seconds to head back to our room and grab my booze ruck (which was filled with 40-50 pounds beer and liquor), before hitting the con floor.

After circlejerking with some of the con guys up front, we made our way to Mummified's "Your OC Sucks Live" panel, as we enjoy shitting on OC's like anybody else. We killed some time at said panel, but eventually, our short attention spans and alcoholic desires caught up with us, and we departed for the vendor hall.
 

After throwing around some cash and acquiring a small collection of merch, we paid the BABSCon booth a visit, where I offered to give them some of my supplies on the condition they make me a special guest at BABSCon 2016. I'm still waiting to hear back from them, but I do appreciate them taking a few pounds off my back.

At that point, we left the vendor hall, then got yelled out by hotel security because of the props we were carrying back and forth between our suite and con area, which was something we really couldn't avoid doing. Collective moans of sorrow were had, but we said fuck it and headed up to the /mlp/arty suite to drink away our sorrow.

>Wake me up inside
We arrived in time to witness Chelis receiving several gifts from the anons who ventured to the sex shop earlier that day. Namely, a gummy dildo on a stick, and a tampon (which I heard somehow made it's way to the con floor). You could tell by the look in his eyes that he was dead on the inside.

But his trance didn't last for long, as he shoved a drink into my hand and pulled me aside to discuss matters of top importance. As previously mentioned, the suite my group had acquired had easily double the room the party suite had, and Chelis was more than aware of that fact, having drunkenly stumbled into my room the previous night. He had one simple request; that we let them use our suite for the /mlp/arty later that night. Of course, we were happy to oblige.

As soon as we agreed to the request, a working party was gathered, and almost immediately went to work. At that point, we had only a couple hours to clean up our room, move anything we couldn't fit in our closet upstairs, and move the party supplies downstairs, and to the beach, where we were also going to be serving alcohol to anyone who could legally drink it. Our group also happened to be in charge of carding people and crowd control for the "bar" we were running outside the concert, and I had a panel I needed to attend shortly afterwards, so time was of the essence.

Luckily, we managed to get everything ready with plenty of time to kill, and even had time to setup a table display to replace the usual horse cocks that we were unfortunately missing.



With that out of the way, we made our way down to the beach, where the beach party was just getting started, and fortunately enough, El Niño decided it was going to bitch out that night.


I stuck around long enough to watch part of the first set and to draw a penis in the sand with fellow hard cunt before I was dragged away to Chelis's fanfiction panel by my boyo Dustypwny. I showed up with drink in hand, ready to make a drunken ass of myself like I had been planning to do so all week long, only to find that the panel host was no where to be seen.
Five or so minutes later, Chelis stumbled into the panel room, revealed we had literally no plan for the panel, and we attempted just fucking roll with it.



It turned out as well as you would expect. My plans to make an ass of myself was thwarted, as I simply couldn't compete with the drunken Mexican sitting beside me. That one EQD guy crashing and trying to get things somewhat on topic didn't help things either.

Ironically enough, I'd say that was probably one of the better fanfiction panels I've been on.

Halfway through the panel, Chelis received a text from our bartender alerting us that security was shutting things down at the beach, and apparently the party in the new room as well. Fearing the worst, I excused myself, gathered the Diamond Cunts that followed me to the panel, and double timed it back to the hotel room.

Turned out that our situation wasn't nearly as dire as the text had implied. We arrived to find the con chair telling us that we needed to move our party back to the original, smaller suite, as there were non-con guests in the neighboring rooms.

We were hesitant to give up a suite with much more room than the one we were gifted, so the bartender and I made our way up the lobby with the con chair to figure out a solution, while I had the others prep to move everything back and forth between the two rooms.

Over the span of the next couple minutes, things quickly started to go from bad, to worse. We ended up discovering that the resort had put a non-con guest next to the original party room, despite the con having registered the second floor specifically for con guests, and had things set up so parties wouldn't have to deal with any noise complaints from other guests. To top that off, somebody dropped the ball, and gave the green light to have everyone come to the room we were about to move out of without our permission, forcing me to go back to our room and fix the situation.

After what seemed like an eternity, we finally got everything sorted out with the hotel, and we had everyone move everything back and forth as quickly as possible


Unfortunately, by that time, everybody had bailed, save for about a dozen people. Still, the small size of the party didn't prevent us from drinking and having a good time.


At this point, the Horse News panel was rapidly approaching, and we needed to get our drunken asses over there before we missed it. I had been invited to crash the panel earlier, so I ended up doing so with a few other random people who wandered up on stage to crash the panel.




No one was quite sure how much Chelis drank, but in this humble Diamond Cunt's opinion, I'd say he went a little overboard.
The master plan that he came up with for the panel was to have members of the audience come up and voice "legitimate" complaints to the panelists about Horse News. I mean, nothing could go wrong with that, right?


A few people played along and came up to shitpost with us, as we spent the majority of the panel trying to get people to participate, letting Chelis abuse our Aussie chants for his autism (we're sorry, boyos), trying to get Chelis to leave the panel, watching Peter New roast people on the panel (him telling that one dude who shit on season two to fuck himself gave me a giggle), and passing around the daki that we brought with us.


Near the end of the panel, things suddenly got serious when someone leveled accusations at Horse News that they used freelance photographers to take pictures of cosplayers while they were changing.

Of course, Horse News doesn't use freelance photographers, so when the burden of proof fell upon the attempted white knight, he mumbled something about the evidence being buried, scrolled through his phone for ten minutes, then slunk out of the room.

We're still waiting on that proof, boyo.

Minutes after the white knight left, the panel came to a close, and the flirting panel that Chelis was also supposed to host started almost immediately afterwards.

Of course, we simply threw him out and made him go to bed, so I said, "fuck it," and took his place, joining Strumpet, Bear, and some random dudes who crashed the previous panel with me.



Despite the awkwardness from the previous panel, the flirting panel surprisingly quality. Drunkenly sharing stories of me spilling copious amounts of spaghetti on grills when I was a socially awkward high-school student was pretty fun. I'm pretty sure I said the word "minge" a few times too, though I can't quite remember.

Of course, the good times ended when some shit cunt decided to hijack the panel and try to make some autistic point about only one guy being there for pony, and the rest of us being there for pussy, or some stupid shit like that.

We're here for booze, not pussy.
>no hooves and all that. Get it right, you cunt.

Luckily, it seemed like the panel hosts had gone over everything at that point, so we just watched the shit cunt spill his spaghetti until the con staff booted us out early. Apparently they got tired of his shit, too.

Ding dong, the witch is dead.
With the panels over and done with, and the concert apparently fucking dead, we all returned to the party room, and found that things were sadly just as dead as we left it, with only a dozen or so people milling about, drinking and "trying" not to wake up Chelis, who had passed out on the bed. What was supposed to be a party quickly cooled down into a tightly knit chill out session, with most of us venturing out onto the deck later into the night.

After a good hour of standing around, smoking and drinking while chatting with my boyos, I managed to get my hands on one of the two elusive chairs out on the deck.
As soon as I sat down, my lap became occupied by another one of my mates, who had also grown tired of standing around all night long. Everybody else quickly got the same idea.


To this day, I have no idea how that chair didn't collapse under our combined weight.

The chair continued to hold out, and thankfully, since I'm not a shit cunt who skips leg day, neither did my legs. We killed a few more ciggies and drinks before realizing that we needed to get some fucking sleep, and made our way back to our suite.

Of course, our autism wouldn't let us get any sleep, as in our drunken state, we somehow thought that shoving five people into one bed would be a good idea, especially after just leaving chair con. Nope.

It wasn't gay, though, as we were all in silkies, and there was a Sheila involved. We exchanged a few "no homos," just to be safe, though.


 Day 2 - Saturday


Another morning, another dildo shoved into my mouth. Another dildo throwing contest. Another invitation out to breakfast, this time out to IHOP.  There was a difference between the Denny's trip, and this one, though, for a good number of us decided we were going to wear silkies (ultra short compression running shorts that had a tendency to let your bits and pieces fall out for the uninitiated) in public.

This had a lot of mixed reactions, including a few whistles (which I responded to with a hearty "CHEERS MATE!") and talks of me being motivating, which I guess is what we were going for when decided to wear them in public. After scarring many people and enjoying the shit out of the crêpes I ordered, our group was sent to Vons grab some chasers for the party later that night.

We received more reactions from people there, including one worker who pulled me aside and directly asked me why I was dressed like that. I could only simply respond, "I wanted to embarrass my friends," which earned me some free vodka. Cheers, mate.

It's not a con if there's no gay bathhouse.
After getting back, we dropped off our supplies, grabbed some drinks, and hit up the hot tub. After screaming drunkenly at a few birds and scaring off all the normies with our autism, who were trying to enjoy themselves, I went back to my room to catch a nap.


The true savior of the party.

The rest of day two for me is foggy. Word on the street was that I drank enough to compete with Chelis the previous night, and supposedly some illicit materials. I'm calling bullshit, because I can't remember shit.

Supposedly after milling about the party for a couple hours, one of my boyos and I joined Strumpet and Rhetoric for a "walk" through the hotel, which led us to the hotel lobby, where I apparently spent twenty minutes tripping out over fruit infused water.


Eventually, we moved on to the concert, where I apparently harassed my Japanese boyo about his involvement in Pearl Harbor, the Rape of Nanking, and the ambush scene from the first level of World at War.

Still waiting on that apology, you shit cunt.



I somehow found my way back to the party, which was in full swing. But with my most of my boyos out of action, and me tripping balls (supposedly), I decided to cut my partying short for the evening, and hit the sack.

Day 3 - Sunday

I awoke on day three with another hangover, and luckily, no dildo shoved into my mouth this time around. Unfortunately, because the hotel staff were a bunch of shit cunts, we weren't able to do a late check out, so we had to rush to get everything packed and cleaned up.

We did have enough time to use our remaining Fosters to pay tribute to our fallen cunt, Steve Irwin (also known as Big Cunt), which can be seen in the vid above.


As we finished checking out, the other anons ran off to Dick's Last Resort for banter and food.
Unfortunately, I was too sober to wear the silkies I was forced to wear for the duration of that day (my pants were covered in vomit) to join them, so the Diamond Cunts and I stayed at the convention. We mainly just circlejerked and walked around the venue for the next few hours while waiting for them to return.


Eventually, they did return. We took some pictures, chanted a few more times much to the annoyance of those around us, and said our final good byes, before packing into the 4runner one final time, and leaving San Diego behind, concluding our time at Pacific PonyCon.

Overall, I'd say to con was pretty solid, even if there was a lack of interesting panels and guests. It was a smaller con, so I wasn't expecting a whole lot. I would recommend that they work on advertising their convention better the next time around if they want to follow their pretty ambitious dreams for 2017.

The Diamond Cunts will definitely be back next year regardless of the con's size. We'll see you autists at BABSCon, where further Australian autism awaits.

The Further Downfall of IDW: The Friends Forever Issue #24 Fiasco

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A couple weeks back, the twenty fourth issue of the Friends Forever series was released. Written by Georgia Ball (who had previously written the eighth issue of IDW's Micro-Series, which was rather well received), it featured Rarity supporting Gilda's boffyball team while she designed their team uniform.

While Ball's writing was relatively solid, the comic failed spectacularly in other departments. More after the break.

When the issue was released to the public, it was revealed that a number of the griffons featured in the comic were intended to pulled from the show, namely Greta and Grandpa Gruff.

Apparently, the artist didn't get that memo.


As seen in the two images above, the characters seen in the comic look nothing like the characters from the show they were meant to portray. Especially Greta, who looks like she ate the canon iteration of herself. It's like the artist who illustrated this issue didn't even bother doing any research into the characters he was supposed to draw.

Hell, it's like the artist hasn't even watched the show before.

Of course, if you're familiar with artist who worked on this issue, you would know that's exactly the case.


For those of you unfamiliar with Jay Fosgitt, he previously illustrated the twenty second issue of the Friends Forever series, where he was caught using clip art he pulled off of Google Images for a character's cutie mark, apparently being too lazy to be bothered to actually do his job.

Jay has previously stated that he has never even watched the show, though shortly after admitting this, he promised that he would "try to improve".

Evidently, he hasn't been trying hard enough. He didn't even use Google this time around.



Jay's flop didn't catch flak from just readers. Georgia Ball, the writer of the issue, was pretty peeved by the lack of effort put in by the illustrator, and made sure her anger was heard through her Twitter.


She went back and forth with numerous followers about the situation, not bothering keeping her annoyance over the whole fiasco hidden as she did so.

It would later also be revealed that the editor (who is known for putting literally no effort in his editing and ignoring any criticism of his "work") also messed up Georgie Ball's name, not only the inside of the comic, but on the cover as well.


Further discussion with her followers revealed that Ball has no plans to pitch anything to IDW for future My Little Pony comics due to the blatant mishandling of her work, though she does plan to continue doing work for their other series.

After scaring off one of their senior writers because of their blatant incompetence, IDW should seriously consider getting their shit together.

However, considering their past, I doubt that's going to happen.


Update:
They couldn't even be bothered to upload the right comic to Amazon, instead giving paying digital customers a copy of Spiderman.




Hulk Hogan MLP -comic encounter details revealed

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Last Spring, we ran a post with a photo of an MLP comic, purportedly signed by Hulk Hogan himself, with no real backstory to go on. Well today, nearly a year later, we received an email from the owner of the comic, complete with the story of how the former WWE / WWF wrestler came to know about bronies, complete with photos of the encounter. 

The email reads as follows:



Hello HorseNews,

How are you?

I found an old article from 2015


I am here to verify that the picture of the comic signed by Hogan is my comic.



Here’s the story on how it happened:

I went on ebay and bought two copies of MLP Issue #29 Hot Topic Exclusive so I can have one of them signed by Hulk Hogan. According to his agent, named Ron, I have to pay $100 to have the comic signed and have a picture of Hogan signing it.



So I end paying the $100, along with a return slip, and have one of the comics shipped away. Also, I wrote a letter to Hogan as to explain what Bronies are, why I joined the fandom, why I am a fan, and about the comic I gave him.



The next following week, I received an e-mail from WWE.com stating that they will be teaming up with Susan G. Komen in DC for the Race for the Cure event. The event will feature WWE Diva Layla, WWE Legend Manager “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart…and Hulk Hogan!



When I heard that Hogan was coming, I HAD TO GO THERE! Not to mention, I have the 2nd copy of my MLP comic and I thought it will be great idea to have Hogan signed it.



Fast Forward to the Susan G. Komen event, WWE had a Meet and Greet with Hogan, Jimmy, and Layla. I had Jimmy Hart sign my Legends of WrestleMania Video Game, I got an autograph from Layla, and then two from Hogan (a regular autograph and my Legends of WrestleMania game). Then, I presented Hogan my MLP comic.


This is what his reaction was:

Hogan: Ponies?!?…….Hmmmmm….That’s interesting, brother! *signs the comic* Here you go, Little Pony!

I thanked him and Layla for the autographs and took a pic with him and Layla. Two weeks later, I got my Original Copy signed by Hogan and his agent sent me a pic of it. This all happened before the whole Racism Controversy involving Hogan but whatever had been said about him, I don’t care because my meeting with Hulk Hogan for the 1st time meant a whole lot to me that I will cherish forever. In response, I sent him a Hallmark Card at his Beach Shop in Florida telling him that I still support him and hope for the best.



At BronyCon 2015, I brought my 2nd copy, which I call my Backup Copy, as a reference for my CM Pony cosplay (a mashup of MLP/Ex-WWE SuperStar CM Punk) and one of the photographers took a snapshot of me with it.



Not to mention, on Sunday's BC 2015, I met WWE NXT SuperStar Corey Graves who saw my CM Pony cosplay and he loved it. He took pics of me: one as a Selfie with him and the other to send to - yup - CM Punk. Why? Corey told me that Punk and him are best friends in real life and he sent the pic of me in my cosplay to his cellphone. In response, I helped Corey Graves on how to find the Mane Event room since he didn’t know his way around the Convention Center and he was able to film the Closing Ceremonies for his show Culture Shock.
That’s all I have to say and thank you for using my picture of my Comic.



Thanks for the story dude.
We're only disappointed he didn't call you a Jabroni during the encounter.

Pacific PonyCon: The Newfag Experience

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He is Chelis. We are Chelis. Send help.

It's been over two weeks already? Jeez, I feel I just came home yesterday. Days spent with friendos just aren't the same as the days you spend with close horsefuckers and hard cunts. I've been to a few cons in my time, but Pacific PonyCon will have a special place with those of us that were there. A brotherhood? Nah. Band of Horsefuckers? Most definitely.


Day 0 - Thursday
Everyone that's lived in a small town knows how fucking dark it can be in the middle of the night, especially in the dead of winter. I debated on bringing my personal stash of Fireball, but forgot to pack it in the frenzy of trying to leave the house before 0200. Breakfast plans with an old friend was more important to me, even though booze was supposed to get me through the weekend. Needless to say, there was plenty to go around later that night.

I arrived at a rest stop to take a break from driving solo and have a bit of shut-eye to help alleviate the lack of sleep from the evening before. I'd driven in much more miserable circumstances before, namely the 18-hour drive home from EFNW back in 2014. Six people in one Nissan Titan was an... interesting experience, so to say.

I also took the time to check up on the Pacific PonyCon Twitter feed, which I had been following and posting hype tweets for the last week. I'm a rain person myself, but seeing the tweet of the weekend's forecast was a godsend. The wet season tends to drag on for at least three days at a time where I live. With 0830 only four hours away, and a good 220 miles ahead of me, I took to the road again.

Montebello was starting to get jam-packed when I arrived in town. My friend and I agreed upon a local Denny's to meet up at since the price was easy on the wallet. I ended up waiting a bit for her, which was crunching into my time to get the San Diego airport for a pick up. It wasn't too long, thankfully, and we hurried inside after she gave me a Christmas gift: a god damn selfie stick.

Memes aside, breakfast went as normal. Shitposting our mutual friend got a couple laughs, and life went on. Well, we weren't sure about the waitress that dropped a plate three times. Must've been a bit early for her. We parted ways after joking about who was gonna front the bill - to work, and further south.

Two more stops - one for a nap, and one to watch Cobras and Ospreys operatin' over Pendleton - and I finally reached San Diego. The airport was pretty easy to get to, as well as being right across from the naval station. I eye-guzzled the carriers that were anchored from the waiting lot as I awaited a message from Rhetoric. The whole bay and city was a sight to behold.

After sitting tight for a bit, I got the text. What I didn't get was where the hell this guy was disembarking at. I drove around the circle twice, sucking in the scent of plastic fusing to bottom of my vehicle from floating debris back on the I-5. Finally, I got the boyo in the /mlp/ scarf. Once he piled in, we took off down the road to the hotel.

A ten minute drive and we arrived at the Kona. Rhet helped me pluck the piece of garbage from beneath the car and we got our basics to carry around until the room got unlocked by Chelis. Well, that was how it was supposed to go. Instead, Rhet and I were treated like royalty by the con chairman and his lovely lackey. After explaining who we were, we got our badges and room keys for the weekend on the spot. Five-star fucking service right there.

That all ended when it crawled in through the lobby doors. Now, I'm pretty new to the drama game in this god-forsaken fandom, but holy shit, this guy. Not even typical could begin to describe what I thought of ToonKritic. Rhet took a pic and warned our party ahead of time before we tactically retreated to the car to get our things.

Everything pretty chill despite one of the other roommates arriving, I busied myself with making Chelis a Sunset Shimmer banner because I had fuck-all to do before Rhet and Brad made me watch Kung Fury. Keks were had, and it was a nice opening to meeting some of the HN staffies in person. Then Rhet brought out the German shit. I won't lie, he impressed me with how fluent he was in the language. I couldn't even take more than two years of Spanish and remember a full sentence.

Chelis finally arrived after 1800, and the present roomies decided on getting some sushi for dinner. A three minute drive got us to a small place that had some decent food for a pretty penny. That was probably the biggest dent in the food budget the entire weekend. The booze arrived once we finished our food, so we set off back to help offload the booze and supplies for the parties.

 Chelis got a bright idea and decided that we all should throw a pre-con party to celebrate the beginning of con season. Once the bar was set up, Chelis and a couple others went off to drag people into the suite. It got pretty busy within the hour, and everyone was chattering away with drinks in hand. My boyo Roo arrived with his posse of Aussieboos and a combat load of Foster's. After observing for a bit, I decided to close up shop on Chelis' banner and join the fun. First was a shot of liquor, then came a cup and lastly a can of Foster's before I could feel the buzz come on.

There wasn't much of a highlight to the night other than the Rainbow daki that Roo and his boys brought to the suite. Needless to say, she was molested in every way imaginable. Who woulda thought? Apparently, the fuckery and the bants were enough to get the hotel on our ass about the noise level, so we ended up having to kick everyone out at 0000. A lot better than the shitfest that was EQLA, and I wasn't even there for that nonsense.

Day 1 - Friday
Friday started off like any con morning would: wake up, shower, and get some grub. Ignoring the fact that the balcony door was left wide open. Thanks Rhet, you cunt. Everyone agreed upon Denny's. Me and Chelis were more than inclined to get our asses moving once we saw the spaghetti that ToonKritic was spilling throughout the beginning of the opening ceremonies. Not that our autism wasn't going to spill at the dinner.

No lie, though. Having breakfast with everyone was nice. I listened to David talk about tanking and how shitty the conditions were. Wanna become a cancerous fuck like Kritic? Go touch some M1 Abrams-brand hydraulic oil. There were more stories about the corruption of the military. A story about someone trying to attain Sergeant caught my attention. The ending to it pissed me off, especially since my bloodline has served since Korea and 'Nam. Couldn't get the rank not because he lacked the leadership skills, but because the instructors testing him were being asshats during the PT portion of the test. I thought about it all through breakfast. Thankfully, it went away when it came time to pay the bill and get back to the hotel to start prepping for the Friday night beach party. Me and Chelbro wanted to check out the vendor hall as well, where I ended up purchasing my AJ tankard from MyLittleTies (guy's a good dudebro, buy his shit) and an AJ flask from a cute Yellowquite cosplayer. Who's going first, Rhet?

After scouting out the beach, our roomies retreated to the suite to start cleaning up from the night before. Routine as usual. Chelis and I had a panel at 1800 that evening, so we took a shot to get our systems going. Kinda hard for two lardasses to talk about their shitty fanfics when they're sober. Roo agreed to crash the panel, per insistence. How could you deny Aussieboos crashing something with no survivors? Well, that's how it would've been if Vicodin hadn't of shown up. Dreams crushed, me and Chelis continued our drunken ramblings with one another by explaining the importance of having support in the form of a black editor wearing the horn from a windigo pinata.

"At this moment in time, it dawns upon him that he has no idea where he is or what he is doing there." - Rhet, 2016

Thankfully, our suite bartender, Sarah, got me some good shit in my flask. Went through the whole thing in the first half-hour of the panel because Vicodin was killing my buzz. Our friendly neighborhood boyos from BABS brought the bants to keep us going, which led the panel ending on an alright note (in my opinion at least). We headed back to the suite to get more drinks since the beach bar got shut down only a couple of hours in, and I came back down to watch the Iron Author competition being hosted by Chandler, aka Super Trampoline.

The place was a fucking ghost town, spare my boyos from the panel earlier and a couple of lost souls. I decided on shooting the shit with them and just hung out in my drunken state. Apparently, I'd also managed to write some semblance of a fanfic on a sticky-note and entered it to Tramp. A little girl submitted a nice piece of art (damn if I remember what it was), but there was asshurt because she was related to someone on the staff. I gave them my two pence and said that she should be able to enter regardless considering that there really wasn't much competition. Tramp even put up a blog post on FiMFiction advertising it too, but alas, there was really no one interested enough to take a shot. What'd we get for entering? Two posters. At least one has Silver Strand on it. At least it wasn't rigged like the cosplay competition. Insert more ToonKritic drama here.

After more bantering with the BABS guys I took my leave to go get some more booze in my system for God knows what reason. Jim, who I'd met earlier in the day and is the co-creator of the "Cum Bucket," downed another Bucket with me before the HN panels. This time I was smart enough to bring my tankard with my flask as back-up since we had two of them that night. I guess I did another drunk thing because I remember being called "the token black guy" by some autist in the audience. One of a few, I must say, because even Strumpet was getting some outlandish questions from a dude wielding a Yellowquiet plushie.

The best part of HN Hosts Panels Night came when we opened up the Complaint Box with a drunken Chelis at the helm. It was pretty a back and forth bant-battle between New and the crew before he left with someone else towards the end of the panel. Rightfully so because the autism reached new heights when some white knight showed himself and proclaimed that HN was responsible for snapping some revealing pictures of one (or a few; who fucking knows with this guy) of the local cosplayers. I haven't been on the crew for long, but I know for a fact that Horse News is too fucking poor to have a dedicated photographer on board. Added with the spaghettifest that was Chelis, the panel came to an end, miserably. The Aussieboos sent him back to the suite sometime before we came knocking on the door.

It was a pretty low-key night party-wise. I had a couple more drinks with Roo and some of his guys and ended up taking a couple of hits on a vape out on the balcony for the hell of it. The autist factor spiked again when Roo invited us onto his lap for ChairCon. At this point in time, no one was in the right mindset to say yes or no. It just happened.

I love you cunts. And that chair too. 

0200 rolled around quietly. Roo and his crew left for their room downstairs while our suite went lights out right after that.

Day 2 - Saturday

Good times being had.

Saturday's breakfast spot was IHOP, which was further out than Denny's by about ten minutes. I got to sear my eyeballs when Roo and Travis showed up in their silkies. Obviously some of the normies in the restaurant liked them, from some catcalls and whistles heard here and there. The shit was hilarious in the end.

Like the day before, I spent my time listening to the conversations going on at the table, putting in my words here and there. The highlight of these conversations was listening to Rusfag (aka Mr. Ushanka in the photo) and Roo talk about the mil-simming they do when they aren't being autists at a convention.

The best bits and pieces came from David and Rus talking about tag-rounds and "killing" seven people with a plastic spoon. Everyone got a laugh out of that. Breakfast felt a lot more lively than the day before for sure.

After some Twitter bants two feet away form each other, we got our bills and lined up to leave. I rode back with Chelis to help clean up the even bigger mess from the second party and set up a... "meme" playlist to back this night's suite party. Some of the choices were definitely questionable, but lacked enough Sandstorm to rustle some jimmies.

After that point, things got a bit blurry from my perspective. I do remember going down to the beach bar room we had set up in Blarfniggle's room the night before and taking a couple of hit on whip-its for shits and giggles. Chelis about passed out on us due to exhaustion, but Sarah's impending arrival with the booze made us take out leave. I think I also checked in with Roo and got to fondle his team's 240 Bravo while looking at the room's coffee table covered in horse pussy. I'm a sucker for support weapons and lewd Applehorse.

I got bored just sitting in the room after hauling the stuff up and I decided to go on an adventure with Roo to check on our guys at the hot tub. Bants and fuckery as usual. I pulled a Macathur and came back a while later to chill at what became the con's unofficial gay bathhouse. It must've been a theme to share our thoughts and opinions on shit pertaining to the military. I know me and David had a good debate about the money-sucker F-35s while the others were taking about how dumb it was to keep buying crappy plate carriers over and over again instead of buying the good ones for a bit more and being done with it.

As the sun started setting, everyone packed up and headed back to their rooms. I got put on cooler detail and went off to get ice. When one box wasn't enough, I dragged Chelis' happy ass down with me to help out. I don't know how we did it, but we filled it enough before the ice machine decided to stop giving it up. Now our Coronas and Smirnovs wouldn't taste like lukewarm shitquid.

A little bit of everything, for everyone.

I started off the night with a Horse Cum because fuck it, the shit was alright. Thanks Sarah. Then I met a couple of military guys from the area, which was pretty neat. Nothing serious, just some background questions and a handshake. I went to go check on Chelis to make sure he wasn't up to no good. My attention got diverted to an AJ cosplayer and some of her boyos that'd come to party that night. All of them were chill, and they ended up going to balcony to smoke some ciggies while I went to chit-chat with another gal who some of us were talking with prior to the drinks flowing. Cute sheilas, as Roo would say.

Another of our boyos from the BABS crew came to drink,  plus three sheilas. The night picked up from there. One of the military bros offered me some homemade gasoline and I slammed it back. No burn until it made it halfway to the gut. The shit was nice though. I would've used it to make the Cum Bucket a bit less shitty. I ended up picking up a Smirnov and heading to the balcony where a few peeps were sharing ciggies with one another. Never was a smoking guy myself, but there's a first for everything.

The conversation was nothing out of the ordinary, and I just did what I'd done at breakfast for the last two days. 0200 was rolling around again and the party was starting to die down. The cosplayer had left before her roomies did, but we didn't think much of it. I got another Smirnov and chatted with em until they were ready to head out a bit later. I walked with them to their room since I was still awake and had nothing better to do. It was a whole 'nother banterfest when they walked into their room and tried rustling their other roomies to get up and drink more. I told them to knock that shit off and to go find their friend. And of course, my dumbass offered to help.

I went on my own way and found her hanging out in the con ops room with ScribePony, the lackey that'd helped us on Thursday. I told her that her boyos were looking for her and she went on her merry way. I chatted with the staffs for a bit before heading out myself. Before I found her, I'd stumbled upon one of our roommates hanging out at the pool with one of his bros. What do I do? Get my shorts from earlier and come back down to chill out by the fire they had going. I'd also brought a Corona with me since we were out of Smirnov, and for the hell of it. More listening to stories and chatter.

A couple military bros from the party showed up and said something about me looking toned and shit if I were to slim down. It was a compliment, I guess? Either way, I ended up hanging out with these guys at the hot tub for a while, which involved more stories about being in the service. A couple more people came to join us, namely Strumpet and Chelis. I spent the time relaxing and listening to both conversations while teasing Chelis for his performance at the panel the night before. Scribe and the cosplayer from the party joined us, as well as another staffer. I skipped between all the conversations, took a dip in the pool for a bit, and took a drag of a cigarette. It was shit. By 0500, it was just me and the two bros that showed up at the fire before. I turned in soon after since me and Chelis were supposed to be on one final fanfiction panel with Tramp at 1100. Sneaking back into the room with people all over the floor was a pain in the ass. I ended up tucking myself behind the couch with a 12-pack of Diet Coke as my pillow. I think God's trying to say something.

Day 3 - Sunday

Our plan was simple. Get the shots flowing in our system and then take a drink with us to the panel. I filled the tankard with another Bucket and filled my flask with straight stuff as back-up. You can never have too much at a Super Trampoline panel. Vicodin showed up again, which already killed any semblance of having some decent IRL shitposting. I already had some beef with Tramp to begin with, but this Vic guy was rising up the ranks pretty quickly. The only chill guy there with us was ClosertotheSun. Awkward guy, but he was nice. I'd have a Foster's with him any day.

The panel was pretty poor, both due to the seriousness of the two panelists that actually gave a shit and the lack of attendance to begin with. I was happy that our panel had more people - and had more people that asked some legit questions. I forgot all else that happened during the panel. It was that boring. Bless Sun  for trying to keep it entertaining though.

Pictured: Two guys who don't know what they're doing and a liberal pirate.

After we let the panel die, we got our roomies together to go and have some quality food at Dick's Last Resort. I eye-guzzled some more warships on the way into the heart of the city. 4Chan vs Dick's: The Great Bant. What a time. McMag (that's my name for you now, bro) even got to watch his Steelers win their playoff game while we dined on some good food. Overall, Day 3 was really low-key.

The boyos and sheilas gather one final time.

After we got back, we snapped a group photo before the Aussieboos had to get going. I still had to finish getting my shit together back in the suite, so most of us skipped out on closing ceremonies. Not like we wanted to hear spaghetti dripping out of ToonKritic's mouth anyways. I gave my thanks to all who were there and sent out one final tweet before officially ending what was probably the best weekend of 2016 yet. And what does fucking Chelis do?



Nice meme, cunt. <3

I'll definitely be coming back to Pacific PonyCon. It was just too good of an experience to not go again, 10 hour drive aside. Up next - BABSCon: Year Three Edition.

Rand Paul Steps Up To Challenge: 100 Pony Fight To The Death

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As of a few days ago presidential hopeful Randall Paul, or otherwise known as "Rand Paul" started a "Ask Me Anything" questionnaire on the internet so people could ask his views on any topic they wished.  This varied from questions about his hair (which he has stated that he cuts it himself) to his position on legalizing marijuana.





Among other things was his views on the NSA, which he filibustered against them once for over 10 1/2 hours to try to stop the reinstatement of the Patriot Act.

But the one thing that is brought out the most attention was Rand Paul's decision to answer one question of who he would fight, one which the Commander in Chief today was too afraid to answer of which he would rather fight, a horse sized duck, or 100 duck sized horses. His answer?

Just fuck my shit up, fam.
These "duck sized horses", or otherwise known as ponies, are now his top contender in winning the elections this year based on the Updog Act of 1908, which ordained that "He... the candidate who shall answer the Question pertaining to the fighting of the Horse Sized Duck, or 100 Duck Sized Horses, shall automatically... win the elections of the year of the fight."

This battle to the death for the presidency has made things bother simpler and dire for Senator Rand Paul, making him bypass fighting against his old opponents, consisting of an old woman, old man, an even older man, and some not old people that agreed with whoever they talked to at the moment, but the question is, does he have the strength and willpower to battle all 100 ponies at once? With earth, unicorn, and pegasi all in the ring against him, who knows what will happen.

Bets have been placed, and he has even in the past weeks told the press that he was "working out" during a presidential candidate debate, we wonder if it will be enough to take them all out before they cutely trample him into dust. All we know now is one thing:

TONIGHT ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW COMING FROM WWE ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Shining Armor & Cadance's Foal Named?

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In the five years this fandom in general as been around, we are no strangers to seeing potential spoilers ruined by early toy lines. Buckle up, for we have yet another piece pertaining to such things again.


Assuming you actually watch the show, in season 5 we learned that at some point or another, the two love horses did what any new married couple does and now have a baby foal on the way. What we didn't know was who that foal is going to be. Thanks to the German subsection of Hasbro [Archive], we have found out the name.


Translating the above the best I can, it says the following:

"The baby Princess Flurry Heart is the small offspring of Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor. She can speak several sentences, her horn flashes, and she reacts to sound (noises) and touch. Furthermore, she can be fed via her baby bottle."

Just to make sure I missed nothing, I also checked out the downloadable press kit they have linked, but only found the German MLP Logos, "Freundschaft ist Magie."



As yet, there are no pictures of what she might look like. Though we do have our speculations.



Babscon announces Jenn Blake and artfriend competition

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Announcing Jenn Blake and the BABSCon “Iron Artist” Competition!

Iron_Artist_Jenn_Blake.jpg


IDW Pony might not be canon, but this "fanartist" still got guest status over a certain "proud to be a brony" musician 

Press release and contest information after the break! 



Please Welcome Our Latest Guest of Honor, IDW Comics’ Jenn Blake

That’s right, everypony! The wildest member of the IDW Comics stable, Jenn Blake, is returning to BABSCon after making her pony con debut right here last April.

In addition to providing the art for My Little Pony: Friends Forever #16 (featuring Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon), she was an illustrator on the IDW Limited releases of “The Return of Queen Chrysalis” arc. She’s also a real-life Rarity, with over 12 years of experience in fashion design, and one of the coolest pegasisters in the fandom.

Jenn joins Lauren Faust, Nicole Oliver, Kelly Sheridan, Josh Haber, Katie Cook, and Andy Price among BABSCon 2016’s Guests of Honor. With a list like that, why wait? Register now!

Announcing BABSCon’s newest in-house competition: Iron Artist

Are you the next big MLP fan artist? Here’s a chance to put it all out there for fame and glory!

If you are a traditional artist with a knack for drawing ponies and their friends, you are invited to show us what you’ve got and enter this year’s inaugural art competition.  A few lucky and talented fan artists will have the opportunity to have their original art judged in a LIVE, Iron Chef-style event during BABSCon 2016 by a panel of our professional artist VIPs, with on-the-spot feedback, great exposure, and awesome prizes for the ultimate champion!

Here are the rules:

  1. You must be attending BABSCon 2016 in person and be 18 or over to be eligible.
  2. To enter, email three examples of your best traditional-media artwork as email attachments to programming@babscon.com. Please include your name, BABSCon badge name, and phone number with your submission. Originality is key, but we of course encourage at least one MLP-based submission. (Note: Because finalists will be required to produce at least one original piece live and under time-pressure at BABSCon 2016, we are only able to open this year’s competition up to traditional media artists. Digital artists will have another opportunity to get some professional critique and glory in another fun event, to be announced soon!)
  3. Please tweet your submitted artwork @babscon with the hashtag #BABSConIronArtist to spread the word!
  4. Our staff will select finalists from the submissions to compete in our live event at BABSCon 2016, where our panel of professional MLP artists will watch you work and pick a champion!

We’ll be accepting entries from 2/1/16-2/28/16.

*By submitting an entry to Iron Artist, you grant BABSCon permission to use your entry, or any portion of it, for promotional purposes, though ownership of the artwork remains yours.

(Announcement art by LoloPan)

Princess Flurry Heart Revealed

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Posted by Yahoo earlier today, we finally have a Season 6 clip an a look at the newest plague addition to Twilight's family. Check it out below.


Oh goody! It's an abomination! Yaaaaay.



'lel'

PRO MLG 420 NO SCOPE CONSPIRACY THEORY: What if Flurry Heart is actually Starlight Glimmer?

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Yeah, I know it's spelled 'Flurry Heart'. I bet 'Fluffy Heart' would have sold more toys... but not McFlurries.
Tonight while shitposting on Twitter I noticed something pretty obvious: That Flurry Heart looks a lot like Starlight Glimmer. But the more I thought about it the more it made sense:Starlight Glimmer was recently introduced out of nowhere, she's strangely powerful for a unicorn and the only constraints on her time travel come from her own self control. If you've got nothing better to do read more after the break as we try to justify Flurry Heart's existence.

So let's start by noting the two obvious differences these two have: the huge fucking wings and the eye color. Eye color is easy enough: In humans it's generally well known that a baby born with light blue eyes can change color drastically while they're growing up. But is it the same with horses? Actually, yes, they can change just as frequently according to this forum full of actual horse owners. So Flurry Heart having light blue eyes and Starlight Glimmer having purple eyes isn't a problem.

Then there's the wings. Buckle up kiddos, because this is where the conspiracy theory goes from dull to batshit insane! So remember awhile back when Pinkie Pie had to babysit a pegasus baby and a unicorn baby, and their powers were crazy strong at the time? Something about babies being temporarily able to use their powers to their full ability before growing up?

You know, this one
I'm thinking that's going to happen with Flurry Heart as well. A baby with full blown alicorn powers, hmm... in the show that might end up in an episode with Twilight "hilariously" trying to keep the baby under control. But what if she can't? What if she, and all the other alicorn princesses combined can't control the baby? What if it goes on to laser beam towns and murder innocent bystanders while throwing a tantrum?

You might be thinking, "Fuck you, that's too OP!", but remember: With each new alicorn princess this show churns out the newer ones overpower the older ones. Celestia having her ass kicked by Chrysalis, only to be saved by Cadence. Then Cadence not only needed Twilight's help for the Crystal Empire in the season 3 opening, but gave her magical power (along with the other two princess's) to Twilight in order to defeat Tirek. And shit, in season 5 the show already proved that Starlight Glimmer can outwit Twilight easily with her time travel abilities.


So let's keep building on this theory and assume that Flurry Heart has incredibly destructive alicorn abilties as a baby that can't be controlled by any of the other Princesses. If they can't control her, how do they stop her? Simple: They take away her powers, even if they think it's only temporary. Now, if you were a parent in this situation, what would you do: Take away the wings, the horn, or both?

Taking away both would make raising the baby much easier, but then they would lose essential years of learning with those body parts. So then it's between the wings and the horn, and if we're going on the assumption that this is past Starlight we'd take away the wings. It does make sense though: unicorn magic not only takes years of practice, but intense schooling up to university level to conquer. Twilight learns how to fly in like, what, 1-2 years? They could wait until she's 18 and more responsible to give her back her wings and she'd be fine.

So now we've got a debuffed Flurry Heart baby that is missing its huge ass wings. How do we get from there to Starlight Glimmer? I'm thinking that as the months go by of Flurry's first year in the world mom and dad get to wondering how to raise their kid. If she's raised in a castle, told that she's a perfect princess by everyone she knows and has servants left and right to do every single chore for her is she going to turn out a spoiled brat? Would she be able to handle her (eventually unlocked) alicorn powers responsibly? Remember that even though Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor moved on up in the world they had relatively normal childhoods. If the books are to be believed as canon then Cadence also had somewhat of a humble childhood.


They decide to get a normal looking house in a super generic looking town and pretend to be a normal family, never telling Flurry about her heritage. They change their appearances with wigs and dye, lie about their jobs and change their names to blend in. (I guess Cadence would hide her wings under clothing at home and then go to work everyday naked? I dunno, you fill in the blanks.) Needless to say any alicorn visitors would also need to have a disguise on when visiting the household. And when the time came to pick out Flurry's alternate name, Cadence would remember Twilight's super powerful unicorn friend. Gee, she sure does look a lot like Flurry, and she's recently changed for the better. Maybe I'll name my kid after her... AND THAT'S HOW THE TIME LOOP HAPPENS KIDDOS, NOW GO TO BED.

Pinkie Pie caught moonlighting between seasons

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In a shocking move that would prove to satisfy our readers, the pony known as "Pinkie Pie" was caught this weekend, moonlighting in her downtime between seasons. The pink party pony was recognized by several witnesses at a bachelor party for a soon-to-be-married brony, as she popped out of the top of a cake, with her...balloons...completely exposed.
"Imagine my surprise," said the best man, who had made the arrangements for the adult entertainment for the stag party. "I told the agency I wanted some chick to be dressed up as a pony, ya know, bondage and all that...I didn't expect them to send an ACTUAL pony!"


Several witnesses claim that the pink horse burst out of the top of the hollow birthday cake, "wearing nothing but a smile smile smile" and proceeded to make balloon animals out of condoms that were laying around the hotel room. 

"I made sure to slip her some extra dough" said another groomsman. "Clearly she's gotta be having some tough times with her show on hiatus."

There were no photos available, because cameras are against the rules at bachelor parties, though word is that she can be booked at parties via Amazon for under $15

Ashleigh Ball goes "Beach BUM"

MLP spotted in Super Bowl - 2 years in a row

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For the second year in a row, Pinkie Pie and My Little Pony has made it to the Superbowl. Big props to Spazz for the catch (as if he'd ever fail us). Will this cause as much of an /sp/ shitstorm as last year's ad?
Probably not, but we can dream.


Speaking of horses at the superbowl, the Broncos are winning.





State of Emergency Declared: Dinosaurs learn to ride horses

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A state of emergency has been declared, as video evidence of the greatest threat to Western civilization has surfaced online. Dinosaurs have officially harnessed the power of horses. Top government officials have been moved to underground bunkers, as one politician has put it; "all the worst parts of The Bible are coming true". It is uncertain at this time, if the spokesperson was confusing "The Bible" with the Planet of the Apes franchise, and the 2015 film "Jurassic World". What IS certain, is that an organized militia of genetically created dinosaurs has taken control of a wildlife refuge for horses and is holding it hostage.


One Republican Presidential hopeful (whose artificial hair is itself a crime against genetic engineering) was quick to place the blame for the existence of the equestrian Tyrannosaurs on "those liberal sissies and their 'science' bullshit". He quickly asserted that the best strategy to contain the homegrown threat, is to build a perimeter fence around Mexico (despite the fact that the footage comes from Poplarville, Mississippi). Neighboring Southern states have refused to take in refugees fleeing the terrible lizard cavalry, as "they have their own problems to deal with at home", despite being told that the refugees are actually American.



The "Jurassic Equestrian Warrior State", or "JEWS" for short, are seen displaying their abilities (to gallop, trot, and play soccer) in a clear attempt to recruit others to their cause (which is at this time unclear). The militant group attempts to appear patriotic by waving American flags in the video as well. At one point in the video, a horse is seen mobilizing what is either a container of chemical weapons, or an empty barrel from out behind the shed, leftover from a bitchin' bonfire kegger. 

At press time, the dinosaur-occupied equestrian refuge was requesting that supporters to their cause "send snacks, preferably hay and lawyers". Government strategists are planning to air-drop packages of bottled-water to the bipedal dinosaurs - from Flint.

When the FlutterPink voices are just right

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They go to Baltimore in July.

I mean, I'm not going. But some of you will. The one that does the voices for the pink one and the yellow one will be there too. You could like, see her and stuff, and make her hand move a pen on things that you own.
See, we still post any press releases that come our way. When we get around to them.



(BALTIMORE)—Get ready to raise your hooves up and party because BronyCon is excited to announce Andrea Libman is coming back to the Baltimore Convention Center July 8-10!

Libman is mostly known as the voice actress behind the characters Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in the series “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” for which she won the Union of BC Performers Award for Best Voice. She also lends her voice to many minor characters such as Pumpkin Cake and Twinkleshine.

Outside of the series, Libman brings in over 20 years of voice experience. Her roles include Madeline in “Madeline” and “The New Adventures of Madeline,” Emmy in “DragonTales,” young AndrAIa in “Reboot” and Cathy in “Monster Buster Club.” Recently, she's played Cylindria on” Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures,” and Lemon Meringue, Pupcake and Princess Berrykin in “Strawberry Shortcake's Berry Bitty Adventures.”

To learn more about Libman and other guests coming to Baltimore this Summer, visit BronyCon’s guest page.

To register for this event, visit BronyCon’sregistration page. Badges for BronyCon will cost more at the door, so don’t wait! Also make sure you are following BronyCon onFacebook,Twitter,Tumblr, and Google+ to be the first to hear our latest announcements.

About BronyCon: Based in Baltimore, Md., BronyCon is the premiere convention for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fans of all ages that draws over 10,000 attendees from all over the world. This year’s event, scheduled for July 8-10, 2016 at the Baltimore Convention Center, will celebrate the five-year anniversary of BronyCon. The convention features special guests, diverse programming and a multi-night music festival. For more information, check out bronycon.org.

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